August 3, 2017
Sometimes, there are movies you just cannot really explain.
David Lynch’s Eraserhead, John Waters’ Pink Flamingos, Alejandro Jodorowsky’s
El Topo, Emile Ardolino’s Dirty Dancing…
Okay, I can explain the PLOT of Dirty Dancing… I cannot
explain why it has a following, though… or its existence in this universe…
But there are exceptions to this theory. Every now and then,
a movie will appear that you cannot really explain to others, but despite this,
the movie is fantastic. Writer/director Martin McDonagh’s Seven Psychopaths is
one of these beautiful exceptions.
Colin Farrell stars as Marty Faranan, a screenwriter who is
desperately trying to finish his screenplay, a work entitled “Seven
Psychopaths.” Marty’s best friend, Billy Bickle (Sam Rockwell of last night’s
movie…) is an unemployed actor who wants to help Marty with his screenplay.
Billy makes a living now by kidnapping dogs with his partner-in-crime, Hans
Kieslowski (Christopher Walken, one of my gods and idols), a deeply religious
man with a cancer-stricken wife. Billy and Hans kidnap the dogs then wait for
the owners to offer rewards, then give the dogs back after collecting said
rewards. Billy suggests to Marty that he include the “Jack of Diamonds,” the
mysterious serial killer who has pulled off a double murder in L.A. Marty also
has a story about another psychopath known as “The Quaker,” a man who has been
stalking his daughter’s murderer for years, finally driving the murderer to
suicide and cutting his own throat as the dying killer watches, hhis last
memory being The Quaker following him to Hell.
Yeah, it gets even weirder… trust me…
Billy and Hans accidentally kidnap the Shih Tzu, Bonny,belonging
to Charlie Costello (Woody Harrelson), a very unhinged and violent gangster. While
Billy places an ad in the paper, inviting psychopaths to call him and give him
their craziest stories, Costello manages to track Hans down. They take him to a
warehouse where they threaten to torture Hans to get Bonny’s location, but the
Jack of Diamonds shows up and shoots all the thugs, setting Hans free. Billy
and Hans decide to go on the run, with Bonny, and they drag Marty along for the
ride.
I honestly cannot tell you any more of the plot without
giving away the third act of the movie, which has more freaky, wonderful twists
than the Auntie Anne’s Pretzel Shop at your favorite mall.
If you have ever seen Martin McDonagh’s In Bruges, you know he loves writing and directing movies
with some hellacious convoluted stories. I love him for that. Who the hell
needs to see the same six plotlines over and over and over again? He shifts it
into overdrive with Seven Psychopaths, lemme tell you. He is also a great
casting man, too. Seven has so many wonderful stories blended into it, he could
have used virtually anyone in some of the smaller supporting roles, but nooooo.
He breaks out Sam Rockwell, Christopher Walken, Woody Harrelson, Harry Dean
Stanton (Roger Ebert rule in effect!!), Tom Waits (!!!), Zeljko Ivanek (who I
know you won’t know by name, but IMDB.com him, and you will know plenty of his
work), and more. And he knocks it out of
the park here. I mean he goes “Teddy Ballgame goes YAHHHHHD” with it… Tarantino
reference, if you’re curious.. look it up…).
You might think with all this going on, you don’t get more
than a flash of character development. Not even close. We learn so many stories
of so many characters, and each one is like a Falkner short story, told with
precise details and emotional depth. It’s truly amazing this movie is not three
hours long. But with a tight 110 minutes, you feel like you have just watched a
Godfather-quality level of storytelling. All of these stories slowly mesh into one,
and when that one finely-braided rope tightens, you are captured in McDonagh’s
net. And you will not mind a bit, I promise.
I have never been much of a Colin Farrell fan. After
watching him drown in that morass that was Ben Affleck’s Daredevil, the
ridiculous Phone Booth, and the most-unnecessary remake of Fright Night, I was
ready to declare his career deader than Kurt Cobain. He flashed a beacon
in McDonagh’s In Bruges, and I thought
he might be saved. Then, he hit gold again with this movie. His Marty is the
straight man for what amounts to be the whole universe. He is the reactor to
the collection of other actors. Marty is a nobody, drawn into an insane
adventure he wants no part of, but, at the same time, finds fascinating. His
writer’s block starts to erode as the absurdity grows around him. He is really
interesting to watch again! 
The others in this cast are like dice in a Yahtzee cup. You
find yourself watching it shake, and when it dumps out, you get a whole new
story. One of the best ones comes from musician/actor Tom Waits. I call him
that because, well, I love his music almost as much as I love music itself,
but, on the rare occasion when he acts, he always seems to steal the film from
the rest of the cast. Not in a bad way at all, though. You just find yourself riveted
on everything he says and anything he does. Be it Mystery Men, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, even Short Cuts,
it is Waits who sticks in your head. Here, when his “psychopath” story becomes
known, it is horrific, but you don’t even want to try to judge him because it
is also heartbreaking. Waits’ Drano-and-gravel cocktail voice adds so much to
his dialogue. It echoes the pain his character has gone through, and lived with
for all the years since. 
There is no need for me to praise Walken’s performance. He
seems to play the hell out of every role he gets his hands on. Some may argue
that he is basically playing himself in every role, but, I mean, damn! If that
is true, how freaky cool has his life been?? Sam Rockwell comes to the true
limelight in this movie as well. He
folds into and out of his character smoother than Fast Eddie Felson could
stroke a pool cue. He’s a screw-up, and has been one his whole life, but, dammit, he has tried so hard to
get life right, and so many times it has failed, but his Billy just gets up,
dusts himself off, and tries again.
Get a copy of Seven Psychopaths and settle in for 110 minutes
of genius disguised as bedlam. Don’t sit there with the remote in your hand,
daring the movie to be something special. Instead, sit back and say to the
movie, “Okay, bring it on. I’m ready for anything.”
You do that, and you will feel that finely braided rope of
stories pulling you in. Let it pull you. You will love it when the net falls.
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